


I’m glued to the thoughts in my mind (They pester like a hawk in the sky)

by admirabletragedy



Series: Whumptober 2020 [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Ezra Bridger Needs a Hug, Fic, He's a positive influence in this fic, Held at Gunpoint, M/M, get yourself a Jedi boyfriend like Luke Skywalker, if one person says anything about Anakin that's negative I'll throw hands, no.3, whumptober2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:49:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26788495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/admirabletragedy/pseuds/admirabletragedy
Summary: Day 3 • Held at GunpointEzra tried to sleep. He really did. It's not his fault he's still awake; he can't exactly stop the dark memories that resurface every time he shuts his eyes. He can't control the flashbacks behind his eyelids that never fail to turn his skin to ice.
Relationships: (Implied) Kanan Jarrus/Hera Syndulla, Ezra Bridger/Luke Skywalker
Series: Whumptober 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1946944
Comments: 6
Kudos: 43
Collections: Whumptober





	I’m glued to the thoughts in my mind (They pester like a hawk in the sky)

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from the song “Glued,” by Melanie Martinez

Ezra tried to sleep. He _really_ did. It's not _his_ fault he's still awake; he can't exactly stop the dark memories that resurface every time he shuts his eyes. He can't control the flashbacks behind his eyelids that never fail to turn his skin to ice.

So, he lies in his bunk; mind at war between frustration and exhaustion. Half-awake. Half-asleep.

It didn't help that the Dark Side preyed on fear. _Just another thing to worry about._

Tapping his fingers on the mattress below, Ezra sighs as he shoves his sheets off himself. 

Now staring at the wall, Ezra can't help but long for Luke. But he couldn't wake him up… _could he? Should he?_

Ezra rubs the heels of his hands against his eyes as his irritation mounts; it's not Luke's problem that Ezra can't kriffing fall asleep. _For Force’s sake, he was eighteen, not eight._

Guilt gnaws at his stomach as Ezra makes his decision, moving to his bunk’s ladder before stepping down and stepping out into the hallway. 

_This_ he could handle; he knew the _Ghost_ like the back of his hand.

The metal tiles may feel like ice against his bare feet, but it's comforting... it's familiar. He pays no mind to the cold, his stride is unfaltering as he heads over to Kanan’s old room. 

Luke had been assigned with Ezra, Hera, and Kanan — as well as Chopper — on a mission to retrieve a stolen Holocron. A Holocron that was said to have once belonged to Master Windu, Kanan’s Grand-Master. It had been clear to them all that his Master — _well, he'd been knighted on Lothal this past year but Kanan would always be his Master_ — was desperate to find the artifact. Kanan had barely kept any relics from his time in the Jedi Order, the least Ezra could do was help him find one more. Besides, he was always wanting to learn more about their lineage, clinging to the stories Kanan would share. Tales of Jedi missions with Master Billaba and standing before Master Windu and the Order were few and far between but they never failed to capture Ezra's attention.

_“They'd love you.”_ Kanan had said once, during a story about Master Windu and Master Billaba he'd told after meditation. _“They would've loved you.”_

So _yes_ , Ezra wanted to find the Holocron and keep it safe; it was the least he could do to honor his lineage's past.

Luke — _bright, beautiful Luke_ — had offered to join them right away. 

At first, Kanan had been withdrawn around the blond, silent and observant. He wasn't cold nor was he unwelcoming, it just seemed as though he'd glance at Luke and see someone else in his place, sometimes. The same way Ahsoka used to look at Ezra. He had never asked, he never needed to. But Luke? He had spoken and spoken, filling up the silence with just about anything. From insightful thoughts to sarcastic quips, Luke thrived in the quiet, he settled in it and made it his home. 

And Ezra had fallen for him.

It had taken him months to gain the courage to make a move, but it had proved well worth the wait. Ezra would've waited years if it meant he'd one day be able to call Luke _his_ and hear Luke call him _mine_. 

After they had openly begun dating, Kanan had _thankfully_ warmed up to the blond. It was a nice change, seeing Kanan no longer tense when Luke entered the room, no longer observing him with sharp eyes.

Not alone in his curiosity, Luke had taken one for the team and asked Kanan what had prompted the change.

Ezra's Master had just sighed, as though he'd been expected the question, before pouring himself some tea and settling down in the dejarik table's booth. Luke and Ezra had sat side-by-side, across from him.

“Master Billaba was a close friend of Padmé Amidala’s.” Kanan had begun, and Luke had straightened up at his mother's name, hanging onto Kanan's every word. “We would visit when we could and they would talk.” He'd paused to laugh, his gaze miles away, “they could talk about anything, I swear once they spoke for hours about the pros and cons of the Jedi wearing robes.”

Kanan had tilted his head then, tapping his fingers on the mug he held, “That’s how I met Ahsoka.” He paused, tensing, before adding, “It's how I met Anakin Skywalker.” 

Luke had leaned forward on the table as Kanan continued, “You're Padmé’s son, Luke. You have that same fire, the same call to action,” Kanan took a breath, “but your words? That's Anakin.”

Kanan bit his lip in thought, “He could talk his way out of anything, could find the light in the darkest times. After a battle that ended with Master Billaba in a bacta tank, he came to talk to me. He had wanted to make sure I was okay. I left that hospital room with trust that things would be okay. Few people can do that, restore hope so easily. I saw that in him and I see that in you. He would be proud.”

Seeing the tears forming in Luke's eyes, Ezra had grasped onto his hand under the table — he squeezed Luke's hand three times, _I love you_ , and received four back, _I love you, too_. Ezra had left his hand there, tracing circles onto his palm.

In real-time, Ezra hesitates as he reaches Luke's door, biting the inside of his cheek to ground himself.

Everything's fine. _No, it's not._

Letting out a sigh, Ezra doesn't stop himself from sliding down the wall, coming to a stop, and sitting on the ground, his knees pulled up to his chest.

Force, he just wants to sleep but every time his eyes slip closed he's back to being held — choked — by that Delphidian pirate, a blaster pressed against his temple.

His eyes snap open on instinct and Ezra digs his nails into his palms. Everything's suddenly too much; the air-con is too loud and his sweatpants are too rough against his skin.

He forces himself to remember what followed that image in an effort to calm down. 

Luke and Kanan had saved him, _just like they always had_. At the time, Ezra — fighting back a panic attack — hadn't noticed anything other than the hard press of the arm against his throat and the cold metal of the gun against his head. Looking back, however, he realizes that while Kanan worked to distract the guard, Luke had crept out from around the boulder he'd been hidden by and behind the man gripping Ezra. 

It was a stereotypical move but it worked to their advantage, allowing Luke the element of surprise.

And, well, after Luke had ignited his saber, the fight was over.

So why was he still so hung up about it?

Gritting his teeth, Ezra finally accepts defeat, pushing himself up from the ground and using the Force to slide open Luke's door.

The room is dark and bare; it is abundantly clear to anyone entering that Luke is just a guest.

Luke's Force Signature calls to him and Ezra listens, moving to the head of Luke's bed.

Luke wakes up after the first tap Ezra's places on his arm, squinting up with his eyebrows pinched together.

Despite how frustrated he is tonight, he's smiles, his boyfriend is adorable.

“Ez?” Luke's voice is rough with sleep and Ezra has to repress a shiver.

Without waiting for a response, Luke lifts the edge of the sheet and Ezra crawls over Luke, lying with his back to the wall.

The blond turns over, pulling the sheet back up and tucking a strand of Ezra's hair behind his ear. 

“C’mere,” Luke mumbles, rolling onto his back and stretching out an arm. Ezra doesn't hesitate, moving to lie half on top of his boyfriend, hiding his face in Luke’s neck.

Luke's hand traces circles on his back and Ezra shudders.

“What's wrong?”

Ezra lowers his shields, an invitation for Luke to see for himself. He does, gently wading through Ezra's pressing thoughts, and hums at what he finds, backpedaling out of Ezra's mind.

Luke's hand drops down onto his head, tangling his fingers into Ezra's hair, and Ezra drapes an arm over him, tucking himself even further into the blond's side.

“Rest, Ezra. I've got you.” Luke's voice soothes him, and his boyfriend’s Force Signature surrounds him, merging seamlessly with his own.

Calmed by the sound of Luke's murmured promises of safety, Ezra lets his eyes slip shut. For the first time all night, he sees nothing but Luke's light.


End file.
